I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
