I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
