i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
