Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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