so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize