I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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