end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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