ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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