i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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