What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
