She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
