I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
