cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
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Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.