Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30