new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.