I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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