The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
