I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
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