Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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