So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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