she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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