The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
