I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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