Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
