I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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