so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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