haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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