So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer