Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??