I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.