im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
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Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream