i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!