no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize