I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
