I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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