my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
