we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
