your parents love me but you hate me
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
