A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I touched a dick in church today
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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