Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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