I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
