He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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