Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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