I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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