I forgot how hot balto sounded
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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