I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
