can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
