It was confusing and full of hummus
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
