Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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