I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
