How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
