They should really pass out barf bags in church
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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