I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
