I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
