operation harelip BJ is a go
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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