Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
