he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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