I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
