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he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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