It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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