Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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