I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
