Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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