did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
