yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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