its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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