It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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